DON'T GET THE PUPPY!!!
So often I hear people who have recently had a baby say they are looking to add a puppy to the family so they can grow up together.
I'm here to tell you NOT TO DO THAT.
I know, many people (including myself) really don't appreciate unsolicited advice, but in this case I'm going to give it anyway.
Being a mom is f*$#ing hard! Being a new mom is even harder. Lack of sleep, physical exhaustion, mental confusion, sporadic emotional outbursts, and multi-tasking to the max (all while dealing with these other things mentioned above), don't leave us with much gas left in the fuel tank.
Puppies, just like babies, require A TON of attention and work. Housetraining, basic obedience, puppy biting, chewing, tons of energy as they start getting a bit older, crate training, and teaching leash manners, are just some of the things you need to deal with to set your puppy up for success.
Adding this to your plate, which is already overflowing with things to do, is asking for trouble.
I know your heart is in the right place, and you think you're super woman (maybe you're much much better at "momming" than I am), and you don't think it's going to add much stress to your already stressful day. But it does. It pushes you past your threshold and makes even the most trivial tasks seem impossible.
My suggestion is to wait until your child is 5 or 6 because if you don't, either the new puppy or your baby is going to have to go without some of the attention required to raise them well. And we all know it ends up being the dog that goes without (it should be the dog anyway!), and when your pup is around 8-10 months old, you'll be calling a rescue to surrender her because you simply don't have the time. This happens ALL.THE.TIME. It's not done with malicious intent. It's just normal, everyday, dog loving, kind hearted people, who didn't fully understand how tiring puppies can be.
So again, my suggestion is to wait. Because it's hard AF.
*This is TJ, Jack, and Scarlett practicing place (or duration stay for TJ) while I make dinner. I didn't burn it this time!*
I'm writing this post, because I keep seeing countless entries online from "force free" trainers referencing a study that claims that wolves do not have a hierarchical pack structure.
Unfortunately, this is being used to misguide people into believing that their dog (not a wolf) does not require leadership.
I'm referencing a study below that suggests that dogs have evolved to not only require, but to crave leadership from their owners.
I mean, why wouldn't they have evolved this way? They relied on human companions for food, shelter, companionship, and basically all the resources they required to survive and thrive.
I want to believe that maybe the people who keep rallying against the idea of dogs having a human "leader", is because they have a misguided understanding of what true leadership between human and dog really is.
Establishing leadership with your dog isn't about physical punishment, alpha rolling, or pinning your dog to the ground to prove your physical dominance. It's not even about physical dominance at all. Rather, it entails showing your dog that you provide all of their valuable resources, and they should exhibit desired behaviours in order to have access to these resources. I don't believe during the evolution of dog that a human would feed or provide shelter to a dog that exhibited aggressive behaviour, such as biting. Instead, humans would provide food and shelter to a dog that cooperates with them. They have a relationship of mutual gain.
So why are so many R+ trainers using this study on wolves to convince people that any trainer that believes in a hierarchy within the home is abusive?
If asking your dog to work for their food, giving affection as a reward for good behaviour, initiating and putting a stop to play, and asking your dog to respect boundaries and thresholds is abusive in their minds, and they are convincing people of this, then dog trainers all over the world are going to continue to be very, very busy.
Please people, do not believe this argument that leadership means physically dominating and punishing your dog. Instead, please take some time to consider the evolution of the dog, and how they have come to rely on us for their well-being and survival. You may also consider what happens to families who choose not to provide leadership, rules or structure to their children, who never say no, and who provide them with endless amounts of resources (toys, games etc) and affection, despite their uncooperative and unruly behaviour. It's really quite similar. You end up with spoiled, pushy, and rude behaviour and a sense of entitlement when they don't get what they want (often leading to displays of aggressive behaviour).
Make your dog happy, and provide some structure for them. They will thank you for it with very desirable behaviour!
To read the Article, click the link below:
Leash aggression or reactivity is one of most common "problem" behaviours that dog trainers are contacted to help with everyday.
Many people are dealing with high anxiety and stress around their dogs behaviour on walks. Just the thought of taking their dog out for their daily walk creates an ache in their stomach and starts the mental whirlwind of worry.
Some people get up at 4am to walk their dog so they won't encounter anyone else, some people hide behind bushes or cars to avoid oncoming dogs, and some people avoid walking their dogs at all because they simply cannot handle the stress.
You're not alone!
The good news is that it is trainable and can get better! The bad news is that it doesn't usually happen overnight.
Most dogs with leash reactivity are having a fearful reaction. They are typically afraid, insecure, and under-socialized. It's not possible to eradicate that fear or anxiety your dog is having overnight. You can, however, reduce the amount of stress your dog is under through desensitization and giving them clear expectations and boundaries, and an alternative behaviour (such as ignoring and walking calmly).
Where to start:
On the Walk:
When you encounter another dog (Some things you can try. All dogs are different so give them a try and see what helps):
I don't believe it's an overnight fix for most dogs, though some respond immediately to a trainer with great timing and consistency!
Remember that your dog's behaviour on the walk starts in the home. Make sure you have established leadership at home and that will help your dog trust that you can handle whatever pops up during your walks.
Let's talk for a minute about reactive dogs:
For those who are unsure of what a "reactive dog" is, it's typically a dog that explodes in lunging/barking/growling when encountering another dog on a walk, or for some dogs, even when encountering people.
Of course my recommendation for anyone with a reactive dog would be to seek help from a trainer who can help you and your dog with properly timed corrections, desensitization etc., but unfortunately not everyone is able to invest in quality training (for many different reasons).
For those people who are struggling with their reactive dogs, there are a few things you can do when encountering them to help make their walks a little less terrifying. And yes, for people with dogs like this, IT IS TERRIFYING. The walks often entail hiding behind bushes, hiding behind cars, turning around and walking the other direction, walking their dog at 4am before anybody else is out and about, and A LOT of apologizing and nervousness.
Instead of the disapproving looks, snide comments, and asking why they might want to own such an "aggressive" dog (note that not all reactive dogs are aggressive. Most are not!), here are a few things you can do instead to make their lives a little, or a lot less stressful.
1. Understand that SO MANY PEOPLE are dealing with reactivity in their dogs.
2. Give them extra space. When you're passing them, cross the street, or give as much space as you can to relieve some of the pressure on the dog.
3. Please don't stare! That only makes the dog more reactive. Instead, pretend they aren't even there and continue on your merry way.
4. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MAKE KISSY NOISES OR TALK IN A BABY VOICE TO THE DOG thinking this will make them less reactive.
5. Ensure your own dog (if you have one with you) is under control, and not staring at or engaging at all with the reactive dog. They will only trigger more reactivity, which will likely set your own dog off as well and reinforce the reactive behaviour.
6. Show some kindness and compassion. It will ease a lot of stress for the reactive dog owner, who is likely making reactivity worse by being so nervous.
We will post some notes later this week on how people can avoid creating reactive dogs in the first place, but it really will be a community effort as people open up to learning how they are creating it in their own dogs, and other people's dogs too.
Have a peaceful day everyone!